Why Therapy Feels Hard Sometimes (And Why That’s Normal)

Therapy might not always feel like a breath of fresh air, or a time to unwind—it can sometimes feel really hard. Whether you find yourself dreading a topic or going to therapy on a certain day, or leave a session feeling exhausted and heavy–this is perfectly normal. It might feel like this is the opposite effect of what therapy should have, but this can actually mean it’s working. 

Feeling exhausted or emotional means you’re sitting in the hard and often unwanted feelings, and really putting in the work to self-reflect and make a change.

What feels heavy at first, will start to feel a little lighter each day.

Here are two common reasons why therapy might feel hard:

Revisiting emotions or experiences that have been pushed away

If our emotions weren’t validated growing up from our caregivers or other individuals in our lives, we might have learned that it’s safer to hold them in than express them to others. Sharing vulnerable feelings for the first time since being invalidated, can feel incredibly scary and like we are doing something we shouldn’t be doing. You are fighting through a learned defense to openly express these repressed feelings, which takes a lot of strength. 

Even if our emotions were validated, some feelings and experiences are so painful that we push them away anyway. Bringing these tough feelings and memories into our conscious awareness can trigger many different emotions, and feel overwhelming or exhausting. Remember that your therapist is there to sit in the tough feelings with you, and you are not alone.

Challenging long standing beliefs, thoughts, and patterns

A big part of therapy is uncovering maladaptive thought patterns, defenses, self beliefs or beliefs about the world, and behaviors, and working on dismantling or reframing them in a more productive way. Some of these beliefs have been a part of us since we were little, due to our past experiences. It can feel very scary to confront and change a piece of us, even if it isn’t serving us anymore. 

It’s normal to feel resistance to wanting to alter these longstanding beliefs or behaviors, which can show up in our body. It might also feel like grieving these old parts of ourselves–and that’s totally normal too, and looks different for everyone.

Final Takeaway:

Therapy pushes you outside of your comfort zone and challenges you to rework defenses and reframe learned beliefs, in order to make meaningful change. It can sometimes feel like starting over or taking steps backwards, but this discomfort is all a part of the growth process. You should be proud of yourself for feeling these tough emotions and having the strength to keep putting the work in.

While feeling these hard feelings is normal, it’s also important that you feel safe and supported in moving through them with your therapist, and ready to do so, as well as supported outside of the therapy space. 

Thinking About Starting Therapy?

If you’re considering therapy, we’d love to support you.

Submit a contact form or email us at hello@gluckcollective.com to get started.Feel free to explore our services menu and specialties to see if we click.

At Gluck Psychology Collective, we offer in-person and virtual therapy across NYC for anxiety, burnout, relationships, life transitions, trauma, self-worth, and identity development.

It is our goal to make therapy as affordable and accessible as possible —we are in-network with Aetna and offer reduced rate therapy as well.

If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Let’s talk about it.