Dating Burnout Is Real: How to Keep Dating Without Losing Yourself

Dating, especially in NYC, can be fun and exciting, but also frustrating, confusing, disappointing, and exhausting. 

Juggling dating, along with your everyday responsibilities, like work, errands, school, etc., can make it even harder.

The more dates you go on, can either bring clarity as to what you value and want to avoid in a partner, or confusion. When you are continuously putting yourself out there without feeling any closer to finding your person, it can start to take the excitement out of it, and make dating start to feel like a chore–or sometimes, we can even lose ourselves amidst the chaos.

Whatever you may be feeling is normal, and you are not alone in feeling this way.

Here are some strategies to keep the spark in dating without losing yourself along the way:

Remember your values

Reflecting on your personal values before dating is key. What qualities in a partner are important to you? What are your non-negotiables? What does a healthy relationship mean to you? How do you know if it’s time to step away?

Additionally, reflect on who you are inside. What will always be true about yourself, even when relationships or external circumstances change? What are your own values? What makes you you? What are you proud of that you hope others will see in you?

Maintain your interests

When dating, make sure you’re finding time to keep up with your own responsibilities and hobbies, whether it’s a recreational sports league, run club, pottery class, weekly Bachelor nights with your roommates, or weekly self-care night. You might have to make some sacrifices for dating, but you shouldn’t have to overturn your whole life. 

It can be easy to feel like you should be devoting your time to dating, but remember to also make time for loved ones who lift you up and can remind you who you are, if you start to drift away.

Give yourself breaks

Remind yourself that dating should be fun and meaningful, not a hassle. This might require stepping away from the apps for a bit and focusing on yourself to reignite your spark.

Reflect: Recognize your signs of dating burnout, and how to know when it might be time to step away for a bit. 

Keep consistent boundaries

What boundaries are important to you? Once you have identified these, try to enforce them in every relationship, so you are prioritizing your own needs and comfort, without losing sight of what’s important to you.

Final Takeaway

Dating requires a lot of effort and vulnerability, which can make it easy to feel worn out and lose sight of yourself along the way. Remember to prioiritize yourself and your own values, interests, loved ones, and boundaries. If you notice youself starting to dread dating, lacking self-esteem, not feeling “like yourself,” or feeling especially tired, it’s okay to take a break from dating and focus on your own well-being.

Thinking About Starting Therapy?

If you’re considering therapy, we’d love to support you.

Submit a contact form or email us at hello@gluckcollective.com to get started.Feel free to explore ourservices menu and specialties to see if we click.

AtGluck Psychology Collective, we offer in-person and virtual therapy across NYC for anxiety, burnout, relationships, life transitions, trauma, self-worth, and identity development.

It is our goal to make therapy as affordable and accessible as possible —we are in-network with Aetna and offer reduced rate therapy as well.

If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Let’s talk about it.