Building a Support System in NYC Away From Home
New York City can be both full of life and excitement but also lonely and isolating. The city has plenty of bars, events, bookstores, restaurants, concerts, and more, but, sometimes, you might feel like you don’t have anyone to go with. Or, maybe, you don’t feel fulfilled by the interactions that you do have. But, just because your family and childhood friends are hours and hours away from NYC does not mean that you have to forgo having a support system.
You can have a local, real life support system while still maintaining your connections from your previous home. Read on for ways to create or grow an IRL community in NYC as well as techniques for keeping up with your long-distance friends and family.
Establishing Your NYC Crew
As fun and necessary as solo dates are, it’s nice to balance those times out with quality time with your community. First, let’s think of some way to form those connections.
Some ways to find your people are:
Mutual connections. Does a friend of a friend know someone who just moved to the city? Ask them for a coffee! See if you vibe and then go from there.
Bumble BFF. Young women have a lot of success forming friendship groups by bringing together the various other women they meet on the app.
Attend events based on your interests. Are you a big reader? Consider attending an author talk at one of your favorite bookstores. Or maybe they even have a monthly bookclub you can join. Whether it be playing backgammon or enjoying a specific type of cuisine, one of the beauties of NYC is that there are clubs and events for all interests. Once you make it to the events, you can identify other people you think you would connect with
Upholding a Sustainable IRL Support System
Once you have identified the people who add value and support to your life, the next step is prioritizing them in your busy schedule.
You can consider these approaches:
Set your expectations about how often you’d like to see your closest friends and then get on the same page as them. Conversation is key. Do you want to get a weekly happy hour? Let it be known! Are you a monthly dinner catch up kind of person? Make it clear. But also listen to their needs and find common ground.
Be flexible. People’s schedules get hectic at different times. Just because a friend cancels does not mean they don’t want to see you. You can quickly catch up by text or a Facetime and plan your next hang for when things are less hectic.
Lookout for new experiences. Shared memories are key to building relationships. The people in your support system will be there for you when life is tough, but it’s also important to share positive and memorable experiences with them. Consider trying something out of your comfort zone with them, from cooking classes to singing lessons.
Maintaining Your Long-Distance Connections
Your friends and family are most likely not all a walk, Uber, or Subway ride away. That doesn’t mean they aren’t part of your support system, though.
Distance may make things hard but here are some techniques for keeping in touch:
Put something on the calendar. Whether it be a time set aside to chat or one to play a virtual game during, make it official with a Google Calendar invitation.
Plan a trip. If funds allow, it may be nurturing to set a few days or a week aside to go back home or a new destination all together to reconnect and create new memories together.
Send your people articles or photos that remind you of them. Connection doesn’t always have to be deep. A short text with a link to something that made you think of your friend will brighten their day and give you something to reference.
And Remember
Support systems include people other than friends and family. Your doctors, barista acquaintances, yoga and pilates instructors, and hairstylists create an extended support system to add care and warmth to your day. While they aren’t necessarily the people you will call in a crisis, they are part of your community. It’s okay to lean on them by taking one of your favorite yoga classes weekly or going to the coffee shop on a bad day to brighten your mood.
Another person in your support system can be your therapist.
If you left this article thinking you feel fulfilled by your friends and family but want a little extra care, consider scheduling a free fifteen minute phone consultation.
Thinking About Starting Therapy?
If you’re considering therapy, we’d love to support you.
Submit a contact form or email us at hello@gluckcollective.com to get started.
Feel free to explore our services menu and specialties to see if we click.
At Gluck Psychology Collective, we offer in-person and virtual therapy across NYC for anxiety, burnout, relationships, life transitions, trauma, self-worth, and identity development.
It is our goal to make therapy as affordable and accessible as possible —we are in-network with Aetna and offer reduced rate therapy as well.
If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Let’s talk about it.
