Book Club Breakdown: Reclaiming Your Relationship with Yourself ft. “The Dry Season”
What Happens When You Stop Centering Your Life Around Sex and Relationships?
For many clients who come to therapy, there’s a quiet, persistent exhaustion: the sense that their energy has been consumed by trying to be wanted, romantically, sexually, or emotionally. The question that surfaces in the stillness is this: Who am I when I’m not trying to be chosen?
Melissa Febos’ 2025 memoir, The Dry Season, offers a powerful exploration of what it means to step away from that pursuit. In her signature blend of honesty and literary brilliance, Febos reflects on her conscious decision to abstain from dating and sex, not as a retreat, but as a reclamation. Through her writing, she invites readers into the rich, layered terrain that emerges when we stop making intimacy with others our center and instead turn toward intimacy with ourselves.
For anyone navigating heartbreak, burnout, codependency, or a disconnection from their identity, this kind of “dry season” can be a transformative part of the healing process. At Gluck Psychology Collective(GPC), we support clients in using therapy to shift from people-pleasing and performance into deeper self-trust and self-connection.
Why a Dry Season Can Be a Season of Growth
For many of us, especially women, our sense of worth has been shaped by how desirable or needed we are. Relationships can become the gravitational pull around which our lives orbit, sometimes to the point of emotional depletion.
In The Dry Season, Febos challenges that dynamic. She shares how abstaining from sex and dating allowed her to confront long-held beliefs about self-worth, desire, and identity. What initially felt like a void became fertile ground for rediscovery. She writes, “I had spent so much of my life in orbit around other people’s gravity. The dry season was the first time I chose my own center.”
Research featured in The Atlantic supports the psychological benefits of taking a dating break, reporting that people who intentionally pause dating often experience clearer thinking, higher self-esteem, and improved emotional regulation.
And in TIME Magazine, an article on the wellbeing of single people challenges the myth that romantic relationships are the main source of happiness, showing that people who embrace singlehood often report higher autonomy and personal growth.
At GPC, many of our clients report similar outcomes. They begin to hear their own voice more clearly, reconnect with their rhythms, and start honoring their needs, not through the lens of being “good enough” for someone else, but as inherently worthy individuals. This sound appealing to you? Check out “The Confidence Reset: How to Own Your Worth + Stop Second-Guessing Yourself,” a guide that can help you return to yourself.
Tools to Support Your Dry Season
1. Create a Ritual of Self-Attention
Rather than filling the space left by dating with distraction, create rituals that invite presence. Light a candle and journal each night. Cook yourself a beautiful meal. Take a walk without your phone. These small acts reinforce that your company is enough.
2. Mirror Work for Self-Connection
Inspired by techniques from self-compassion literature, stand in front of the mirror each day and say: “I am not waiting to be chosen. I choose myself.”
This simple practice can interrupt shame-based narratives and build self-trust over time. You can learn more about self-compassion science through resources shared by Kristin Neff, Ph.D., a leading researcher in the field.
3. Journal Prompts for Self-Rediscovery
Try reflecting on the following:
What parts of myself have I been outsourcing to relationships?
What do I enjoy when no one is watching?
How do I want to feel in my own company?
Conclusion: The Self Is Not a Backup Plan—It’s the Center
A dry season isn’t about loneliness or deprivation, it’s about recalibration. It’s about learning to sit with yourself, not because there’s no one else around, but because you’ve finally realized you’re worth your own attention.
If you’re ready to explore what that might look like for you, get matched with a therapist at GPC. We’re here to support you through the stillness, and into your own fullness.
If you’re not quite ready, take our signature Therapy Archetype quiz to get a toolkit of free resources before you start.
