Book Club Breakdown: “The Science of Happily Ever After” x The Materialists

Ever since The Materialists came out, my sessions with my single lady clients have been filled with some honest conversations about dating: specifically around how love = status, money, and hotness (and how exhausting that “formula” actually is).

So I finally watched it last night and this one scene stuck out to me where Pedro Pascal’s character talks about love as an “investment,” and what’s actually worth investing in versus what really isn’t. 

It immediately brought me back to a book my old therapist recommended when I was deep in the NYC dating trenches, laser-focused on all the wrong things: The Science of Happily Ever After by Ty Tashiro, Ph.D.

It felt like the perfect time to spread the wealth and share why this book—and the research behind it—is so worth knowing if you’re searching for something real and lasting. Because whether you’re dating in New York or just rethinking your patterns, there’s something deeply comforting about realizing that you’re not “bad at love”—you just haven’t been taught what actually matters.

1) The Rule of Three

You only get three non-negotiables.

In The Materialists, everyone had a list: looks, lifestyle, ambition, status. But Tashiro’s research says the longer the list, the less likely you are to find lasting love. Limiting your top criteria to three increases your odds of choosing someone truly compatible.

Reflect on this:

  • What are your three most important traits in a partner?

  • Are they about character and values or surface-level appeal?

2) Romantic Luck vs. Romantic Choices

The myth: Love is luck.

The truth: It’s about choices—who you pursue, what you tolerate, what you prioritize.

While the characters in the film let relationships happen to them, the science says relationship outcomes are shaped by our patterns and decisions.

Reflect:

  • What relationship “choices” have shaped your past?

  • Are you dating reactively or intentionally?

3) Attraction vs. Long-Term Compatibility

Short-term chemistry does not equal long-term success. That person who blew you away on date one? Might not be partner material for the next 10 years.

  • Have you ever mistaken attraction for compatibility?

  • What traits do you now know you need for real partnership?

4) The Pitfalls of Prioritizing Passion

Tashiro’s research shows that emotional safety, shared values, and mutual respect predict long-term success way more than “sparks.”

Journal Prompt:

  • Have you prioritized chemistry over stability before? What happened?

  • What would it look like to choose love that feels safe and exciting?

5) The Science of Lasting Love

Forget grand gestures. Long-term love is built on trust, daily appreciation, and emotional attunement rather than surface-level status.

Reflect:

  • What makes you feel emotionally seen and respected in a relationship?

  • How do you express appreciation to a partner and how do you like to receive it?

6) Attachment Styles Matter

Attachment style influences how you connect, what you fear, and how you react to conflict and things not going how you’d expect.

  • First: take this free attachment style quiz.

  • Reflect: What’s your style—and how does it shape your dating life?

  • If you lean avoidant or anxious, what would it take in a relationship to make you feel more secure?

7) Kindness + Generosity Predict Relationship Success

According to Tashiro, small acts of kindness and generosity are some of the strongest predictors of relationship longevity. Being thoughtful actually matters and how freaking cool is it that the research supports that the nice guy/gal SHOULD win?!

Take a moment to reflect:

  • What small gestures mean the most to you in a relationship?

  • How do you offer generosity to someone you care about?

8) Red Flags Are Not a Challenge

From narcissism to impulsivity, ignoring these traits rarely ends well.

Check in:

  • Have you ever rationalized a red flag? What did it cost you?

  • What warning signs show up in your body before your brain catches on?

9) Love Is Built Daily

Relationships aren’t built on big moments, they’re built on tiny, consistent ones. A check-in. A kind word. A small favor. A bid for affection. A shared laugh.

Ask Yourself:

  • What are three small habits that help keep you connected to someone you love?

  • What does it look like to choose your partner daily?

10) Realistic Optimism Wins

The best relationships aren’t delusional or cynical they’re rooted in realism and hope. You can believe in love and also set boundaries. You can acknowledge imperfections and still invest fully.

Reflect:

  • How do you stay hopeful in love without losing your sense of self?

  • What past challenge taught you that love isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up?

Both The Materialists and “The Science of Happily Ever After” are your gentle nudge to zoom out from the appearance, status, and money and ask:

What do I actually need to feel secure, seen, and loved?

The more we understand what really makes it last, the better chance we have at a love worth keeping.

Still sorting out your “Top Three”? Therapy can help you make dating feel a little less chaotic and a lot more aligned. You don’t have to figure it out alone. Click the link below to get started with a therapist at Gluck Psychology Collective.

Book Club, Modern RelationshipsMelissa Gluck